finding my way

September 18, 2007

penelope2.jpg

Penelope Kellogg,
married a bull-frog.
hoping he’d become a prince.

So she planted a kiss
on his future highness,
but the poor frog morphed into a blintz!

For most of my adult life I’ve dreamt about writing and illustrating a children’s book. I suppose in addition to making 7-10 year olds giggle, my goal has been also to create something visually interesting, maybe even beautiful, on my own terms (as much as possible). I’ve become so very tired of the type of creativity that is, in fact, not so very creative. I spend most of my waking hours coming up with ways to help sell someone else’s gadgets, services or bull poop. Ah, such is advertising.

So last year, I finally caught on fire. I started writing some little nursery rhymes and silly poems, and roughed out whimsical, fun pencil sketches to go with each poem. Pretty soon, it started looking like I actually had a pretty solid start of a children’s book.

But as luck would have it as soon as I got to the crucial part, the part where I actually had to create finished illustrations, I choked. I kid myself that I can’t decide on what media to use. I try pastel, I try watercolor and pastel, also vector versions in Adobe Illustrator. Although there are those who will give very positive feedback and encouragement, I am just never satisfied. I continue my quest for just the right watercolor, or charcoal paper, paints or brushes. I agonize over my technique. I cry over what a hack I am and who do I think I am anyway. I blame it all on not having enough time because of taking on a full-time job this past year. And perhaps some or all of this is legitimate concern. But I’ve only recently realized that I have been sabotaging myself. Why? I’m not sure.

So I took a look at some of the drawings I’d started and discarded and thought to myself, these aren’t half bad. So maybe I am farther along than I think. I just need to give myself a break. Try not to get so bogged down in all my low self esteem issues and just leave myself more open to the creative process. Let it flow more.

This blogging business, although I am a complete newb, is giving me such a shot in the arm. Even my timid attempts at self expression through this media have opened up some chakra. Blogging this past week has made me feel accountable and keeps my hand in it. I feel inspired again!

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4 Responses to “finding my way”

  1. Spooky Says:

    In and out the chakra’s we go!
    Listen, you are no hack. In fact you have a gift that most people would give up body parts to have a sliver of.

    The time has come the bunneeee said.
    To talk of many things.
    Of shoes and ships and children’s books,
    of water and color and sidelong looks.
    And why art flows from maple trees,
    and dances on the autumn breeze.

    Beauty flows from you in so many things you do.
    Let it flow.

  2. Joni Says:

    Linda you said it best, like you always do. This blog is another form of your creativtity. Growth happens when we are not even paying attention. We are just kinda going about our business of life and poof, a quantum leap ahead we appear somewhere we wanted to be. It is happening, just keep on. You are an amazing woman and this has been a tremendously tough year, for all of us. We are strong. Dare to dream of your life’s longing. Can you be with joy, mine or your own, can you dance with the wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic or to remember the limitations of being human?Stand on the edge of your lawn and shout to the silver of the moon, “Yes!”

  3. Treeeeezha Says:

    There comes a time in everyone’s life where we cannot care about failure, embarrassment and just do it! Why limit ourselves to the important things in our lives. Who you are is who you are Linda. This my friend, is one of the most wonderful people that I have ever known. You are respectful, honest, truly caring, extremely talented beyond belief. You need to understand that what you create should be for you. Should not necessarily be for others to judge. It is a self expression that begs to be on canvas. So other’s, instead of judging you, understand who you really are.

    Children are the purest without judgement. And ultimately, your target audience.

    Love yourself enough to let people know who you are sweetie and allow people to see your creations. I luv you sis.

  4. studio lolo Says:

    I second what everyone else has already said! You are truly a talented woman and I’m sure I’ll be seeing MANY of your picture books out there!


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