fairy tale

October 14, 2007


For Halloween, T and A are the new macabre. At least they were a few years ago when my friends Alexis, Megan and I decided to attend a Halloween party we were invited to.

Alexis dressed up as a succubus, (you know, a demon who takes the form of a beautiful human female to seduce men, and then steals their souls.) Very much in the Halloween spirit. She painted her entire body and face in bright red makeup and sported horns, fangs and a sexy black dress. She looked fabulous and very scary. Her boyfriend at the time wore a long black wig and t-shirt with the words “I’m with Satan” on the front.

Clever t-shirt aside, he looked ridiculous in that wig.
“Are you supposed to be Ozzie Ozbourne or Joey Ramone?” Megan asked him.
“Yes” he replied smugly.

Megan came up with a dead fairy costume. She put together the usual fairy faire, and to that, added some white ghoul makeup, for that death pallor we were aiming for. It took us hours to figure out how to attach to her body, the fake can of Raid bug spray she had crafted. We wanted to create the illusion that this can of Raid was floating above her head and following her around; the reason she was, in fact, a dead fairy. That finally accomplished, we felt pretty satisfied with ourselves.

Then there was myself, Miss Transylvania, a vampire, beauty contest winner. I wore a super frilly, prom dress found at a thrift store, vampire makeup, fangs, and a fright wig of my own. I rustled up a tiara, a bouquet of dead flowers, and a homemade sash with the words “Miss Transylvania”, to wear across my chest. To all this, I added a Count Dracula cape. Ooooooh, scaaary.

The party was sweet, but not quite the gala I was hoping for. I wanted to see and be seen, what with our awesome get-ups and all. So Megan and I, feeling the need to knock’em dead (if you’ll pardon the expression,) headed over to Nicholby’s afterward.

Nicholby’s, a small night club in downtown Ventura, was throwing a Halloween bash, complete with lame retro, disco band and costume contest. Now this was more like it.

Not long after we arrived, it became evident that not everyone was as impressed with our costumes as we were. And why would they be? There were any number of slutty nurses in thigh-high nurse uniforms. They weren’t wearing nurse shoes either. There were French maids and playboy bunnies and…well you get the picture. Vampires and dead fairies can’t compete with that. I was feeling a little out of my league. There were no other denizens of the underworld to consort with.

After a while, undaunted, Megan and I decided to get up and dance. Miss Transylvania and a dead fairy, what a pair we made. I was just starting to feel the fun come back into the evening when the disco stopped and an announcement was made.

“It’s now time to announce the winners of the costume contest”. The tall band member with a giant, frizzy, blonde afro bellowed.

Megan and I gave each other a look, as if to say, “Well…maybe, you never know.”

“The winner of tonight’s contest is…..the two cowgirls from Oxnard.”

Clap clap clap.

Two cowgirls, I wondered. I don’t remember…

Just then two girls, wearing teeny tiny tops, cowboy hats and cowboyboots pranced up on stage to get their first place award. I should mention that they were also wearing jeans, jeans with their butts hanging out. No, I mean, there was no seat in the pants, their butts were completely naked and hanging out!

They very graciously and giggly received their award from the lasciviously grinning, blonde, frizzy haired dude. Then pranced, once more, off the stage, to the clapping, hoots and hollers of the crowd.

So, there you go. T and A is the new macabre. If you want to win a Halloween costume contest, my advice is to forget the creativity, forget the scary, ghoulish makeup. I’m thinking maybe the less costume you wear the better.


2 Responses to “fairy tale”

  1. artseafartsea Says:


  2. Joni Says:

    That is hysterically vulgar and disgusting and nauseatingly disappointling. But all too realistic. I have you to thank for putting holloween at the top of my list for holidays. I look forward to donning a ghoulish costume and letting my alter ego out for the night. It is now one of my favorite things to do. And I am inspiring Chelsea to respect our time honored tradition of transylvannian and dead fairies and vamPIRATES!!!! So there is hope!!

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