fidget monster

May 27, 2008

Perhaps it’s because I have a snatchkee in a jar, a sneezle locked in the bathroom, a fretopus lodged in my throat and a furballoid running amok somewhere in my house, that I am having trouble concentrating today. My inability to concentrate became especially acute at work, during the afternoon budget meeting. I was terribly distracted and could not sit still for a second. Like a small child in church, I twitched, squirmed and fidgeted, while my boss and co-workers eyed me suspiciously… and really, who could blame them? I must have looked foolish.

I would have continued to blame my fidgety affliction on the stress of last week’s, monster-related events, had I not seen with my own eyes the true culprit. While I jerked, writhed, fiddled and pretended to take down notes, I noticed from the corner of my eye, in the mirror hanging on the wall near my desk, the unsettling shape of a figetus squirmelis, bouncing like a spring, on top of my head.

Oddly, no one else seemed to notice the creature tormenting me, only the effects . So during a lull in the conversation, I seized the moment. Excusing myself from the meeting, I raced out the door and bounded down the stairs to the parking garage. I scrambled to my car, squirmelis in tow and clumsily opened the door. Somehow, I was able to flick the agitated fidget monster from my head and into the back seat and slammed the door.

“Hooo boy,” I thought to myself, “the drive home is going to be interesting. I hope figetus squirmelises like listening to NPR.”

Things to do Today:

1. Apologize to the kitties, as I’ve been blaming them for all my clothing and furniture being completely covered in hair and fur.

2. Pick up industrial sized lint roller at corner store.

3. Make appointment with psychiatrist.

This is getting a little ridiculous, I mean, what with snatchkees in mayonaise jars and sneezles locked in the bathroom… you’d think I had enough to contend with.

Apparently not.

Earlier today, after having worked out at the gym and in need of some hydration, I lifted a cool refreshing glass of water to my lips. As I absentmindedly glanced into the glass, in mid gulp, I witnessed a flash of tentacle as a fretopus left the glass and back-stroked it’s way into my mouth. I coughed and sputtered and tried desperately to dislodge the worrisome creature from my throat, but no dice. He was in.

So, now, here I sit, and I worry. I worry about the price of gas, the war in Iraq, who’ll be our next president, falling airliner debris, coming down with a brain tumor, whether or not I have bad breath, was that mole there yesterday, if I left the iron on, what’s for dinner, what’s he looking at, whether or not I worry too much and how will Sonny Corinthos be able to stay out of the mob (even though I don’t watch General Hospital, I swear,) and does my butt look fat in these jeans?

You know, pretty much, an average day.

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The theme for this week’s Illustration Friday is “Worry.”

sneezle

May 22, 2008

What a week I’m having! No sooner do I get the snatchkee situation stabilized, when a new problem arises. Why, just last night, I spent a sleepless night, sneezing and wheezing my head off, only to find, the next morning, a darn sneezle crouched and hiding under my pillow. It was a sneezle equipped with black pepper, a feather and four nose ticklers sprouting from his knobby little head. The worst kind!

Luckily, he was so busy giggling about last night’s shenanigans, and feeling proud of the red nose and watery eyes he’d caused me, that it was very easy to just snatch him by his scrawny neck and stick him in the bathroom.

Now I have two bizarre little critters on my hands. What ever am I going to do now? Does anyone like exotic pets? They’re free.

Well, at least I’m not sneezing anymore.

joey to the world

May 21, 2008

A rough little sketch, inspired by my chubby… (I mean, big boned) black kitty, Joey.

When puttering around the house, I choose my steps carefully and move around gingerly, because stepping on a tail or little black paw, is a very real danger. As well as tripping over this immovable mass of cat and breaking my fool neck.

As I perform my morning ritual of face washing, teeth brushing, etc., my movement is often severely hampered by Joey, wrapped lovingly around my feet. While I wash the dishes and make salads for Tom and I to bring to work, there he is, once again, at my feet, this time rolling around on his back, attempting to allure me into scratching his ample belly.

Walking around the outside world, sans the furry, black shackle, can often feel like a shock to my system. But honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Joey is my best buddy and besides, walking around freely is so overrated.

snatchkee

May 20, 2008

I am happy to report that I am not going crazy, nor am I suffering from memory loss. My typical morning ritual of ransacking the house, looking for car keys, minutes before the time I should be leaving for work, the rant to follow and subsequent hair-pulling, can all be easily explained away.

This morning, as I was systematically dumping out the entire contents of my purse with one hand and wiping tears of frustration with the other, I spotted, from the blurry corner of my right eye, the dread Snatchkee, tiptoeing along the baseboard, with the keys in question, in his grubby little mitts.

I immediately sprung into action, grabbing an empty mayonnaise jar from the recycling bin and with the agility and stealth of a… er… um… Labrador puppy, pounced and scooped the wee, pink, horned culprit into my jar. I punched some air holes into the lid and took him to work with me. I spent the whole commute scolding him while he sat pouting in his jar in the passenger seat and yes, I probably should have been paying more attention to my driving. In fact, I cut some poor lady off changing lanes on I5. Of course, had she not been on her cell phone… but, I digress.

Even as I write, the little monster is sitting on my desk, in his jar, making wide-mouth frog faces at me. Yeah, like that’s going to make me release him any faster. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with him.

What should I do? What would you do?

wide

May 19, 2008

Ogden paid no heed to his mom as she warned him his mouth would “stay that way” if he kept making goofy faces.

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The Illustration Friday theme this week is “Wide.”

I stumbled upon this term online. I’ve never actually heard anyone utter (or udder) this particular phrase, but by golly if it’s written somewhere on the internet it must be true, right? Well, regardless of it’s validity, this alleged idiom tickled me, and I immediately conjured up an image.

Granted, the little bovine beauty above does not appear to be awkward at all. Instead, she seems to be gliding right along, hauling…well…er…beef, if you will.

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Bessie is a recycled and refurbished post from way back in the early days. You know… waaaay back. Last November.

The poor thing was getting antsy, so I decided to knock the dust off, colorize and submit her to this weeks Sugar Frosted Goodness challenge, “C is for…”

electricity

May 12, 2008

Undaunted by the blackout, Ferdinand continued to enjoy his chocolate chip cookies and long overdue library book, “Gone with the Wind.”

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The Illustration Friday theme this week is “Electricity.”

laaaady!

May 8, 2008

Feigning death among man-bugs has risen sharply in the past decade, according to leading entomologists.

pico award

May 6, 2008

So anyway, speaking of Godzilla…

… oh, wait, er, um, actually, I was talking about The Pico Award. That’s it!

Yes, the Pico is a sweet little award given by Read the rest of this entry »

seed

May 5, 2008

SEWING SEEDS

Much to Selma’s chagrin, she began to sprout during her very first “Seed Sewing Bee.”

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The Illustration Friday theme this week is “Seed.”