scare traffic controller

October 1, 2009

pattern

With the Halloween season fast approaching, fraught with witch, ghost and goblin air traffic, Villiam is reluctantly forced into a holding pattern.
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Happy October to everyone! The Illustration Friday word for the week is “pattern” and I’m just making it under the vire.

repair

October 26, 2008

GRIM REEP-AIR

In times of vampires who ghoulishly scare,
of witches and pumpkins and monsters with hair,
It’s tough to come up with original fare,
so I reposted Frankie for this week’s “Repair.”

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For Illustration Friday’s word of the week, “Repair.”

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Bunnyhyde

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The Illustration Friday theme this weeke is “Foggy.”

I think of foggy, and London comes to mind. I think of London, and Robert Louis Stevenson’s “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” comes to mind. I think of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” and immediately think of bunnies.

Doesn’t everyone?

unicorny toad

June 17, 2008

As the lovely, breezy Southern California Spring comes to and end and a crippling, eyeball melting Summer imposes itself upon a surprisingly, unsuspecting populace, the one saving grace just might be the unicorny toad.

Why, you ask?

Well, in addition to being cute as the dickens, unicorny toads provide a rather unique service. When the sun is at it’s highest, you will find scores of these little dudes hopping along Ventura Blvd., like mini Lords of the Dance, kicking up their little webbed feet and reaching unusual heights for such small creatures. This consequently works up quite a sweat for the unicornies, causing them to become all the more frantic, hopping and twirling, now, like crazed, whirling dervishes. During the frenzied high-hopping, their uni-horns become lodged in the eaves of surrounding office buildings. As they hang in the eaves, catching their collective breaths, sweat, which from unicornies, is quite sweet and cool, rains down on passersby, supplying them with an unexpected, refreshing spritz.

After this brief but welcome spritzing, the unicorny toads, having recovered a normal heartbeat, gently float back down to the sidewalk, where the whole process starts over again and continues until right before dusk.

I tell you, if it wasn’t for these wee critters, my lunchtime walks, in the summer, would be next to impossible.

forgotten

June 10, 2008

Had I not forgotten to lock the front door last night, I wouldn’t be sitting here, languishing in the less-than-comfortable, belly of a queazinartle.

But I did and I am.

Luckily for me, queazinartles seldom, if ever, mean any harm to humans. Apparently, it’s insatiable appetite, coupled with an acute nearsightedness, caused the confused beast to mistake me for Kraft Mac and Cheese, (a queazinartle delicacy,) and devour me whole.

This whole misunderstanding should… er, um… pass… in about 7 days, (things “move” slowly in the queazinartle bowl realm.)

Unfortunately, all this puts a damper on my blogging for the week. But I assure you, I will gather up sketchbook with pencil, at the very first opportunity, next week, and be back in the saddle in no time at all.

In the mean time, please, please, do not forget to lock your front door. If nothing else, misfortunes like these are almost worth it, if others can learn from them.

Thank you, and see you next week!

kvetchelug

June 4, 2008

Complain, complain, complain. Always with the complaining, they are!

Have you suddenly become a great big downer? Are you haranguing everyone you meet with a list of complaints, like never before? Do people walk the other way when they see you coming? Chances are a kvetchelug has recently slipped into and has taken up residence in your ear.

A few drops of warm olive oil placed into the affected orifice, should send the kvethelug packing. He’ll begin to back out slowly. Once this happens and his little pincer tail is visible, get a hold of the tail with a tweezers and pull gently but firmly. You’ll feel him resist by wriggling about. Don’t let this deter you. Continue pulling. Soon you will have a kvetchelug, bitching and moaning, in the palm of your hand. For this reason and to protect you from his returning to the sanctuary of your ear, it is suggested that you promptly insert ear plugs.

Once the ear plugs are placed and you can no longer hear what the little bugger is muttering about, the kvetchelug actually makes quite a good pet.

what a big baby!

June 3, 2008

MONSTER

A monster with horns
as prickly as thorns,
delighted in causing folks dread.

But he shuddered with fright,
at the thought that there might
be a kid hiding under his bed.

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So I seem to be on this monster kick and since I opted to have a pleasant dining experience with my sweetie tonight, instead of drawing (and instead of going to the gym… oh the horror), I dusted of this little chestnut from last year and re-posted it.

All is fair in love, war and blogging, right?

baby

June 2, 2008

Is there anything more adorable than a brand new, purple, spotted, blobbalumph baby? Certainly nothing more endearing than the attentiveness of the mama blobbalumph, who puts house ransacking and automobile munching on hold for the first two years of baby’s life.

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The Illustration Friday theme this week is “Baby.”

fidget monster

May 27, 2008

Perhaps it’s because I have a snatchkee in a jar, a sneezle locked in the bathroom, a fretopus lodged in my throat and a furballoid running amok somewhere in my house, that I am having trouble concentrating today. My inability to concentrate became especially acute at work, during the afternoon budget meeting. I was terribly distracted and could not sit still for a second. Like a small child in church, I twitched, squirmed and fidgeted, while my boss and co-workers eyed me suspiciously… and really, who could blame them? I must have looked foolish.

I would have continued to blame my fidgety affliction on the stress of last week’s, monster-related events, had I not seen with my own eyes the true culprit. While I jerked, writhed, fiddled and pretended to take down notes, I noticed from the corner of my eye, in the mirror hanging on the wall near my desk, the unsettling shape of a figetus squirmelis, bouncing like a spring, on top of my head.

Oddly, no one else seemed to notice the creature tormenting me, only the effects . So during a lull in the conversation, I seized the moment. Excusing myself from the meeting, I raced out the door and bounded down the stairs to the parking garage. I scrambled to my car, squirmelis in tow and clumsily opened the door. Somehow, I was able to flick the agitated fidget monster from my head and into the back seat and slammed the door.

“Hooo boy,” I thought to myself, “the drive home is going to be interesting. I hope figetus squirmelises like listening to NPR.”

Things to do Today:

1. Apologize to the kitties, as I’ve been blaming them for all my clothing and furniture being completely covered in hair and fur.

2. Pick up industrial sized lint roller at corner store.

3. Make appointment with psychiatrist.

This is getting a little ridiculous, I mean, what with snatchkees in mayonaise jars and sneezles locked in the bathroom… you’d think I had enough to contend with.

Apparently not.

Earlier today, after having worked out at the gym and in need of some hydration, I lifted a cool refreshing glass of water to my lips. As I absentmindedly glanced into the glass, in mid gulp, I witnessed a flash of tentacle as a fretopus left the glass and back-stroked it’s way into my mouth. I coughed and sputtered and tried desperately to dislodge the worrisome creature from my throat, but no dice. He was in.

So, now, here I sit, and I worry. I worry about the price of gas, the war in Iraq, who’ll be our next president, falling airliner debris, coming down with a brain tumor, whether or not I have bad breath, was that mole there yesterday, if I left the iron on, what’s for dinner, what’s he looking at, whether or not I worry too much and how will Sonny Corinthos be able to stay out of the mob (even though I don’t watch General Hospital, I swear,) and does my butt look fat in these jeans?

You know, pretty much, an average day.

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The theme for this week’s Illustration Friday is “Worry.”

sneezle

May 22, 2008

What a week I’m having! No sooner do I get the snatchkee situation stabilized, when a new problem arises. Why, just last night, I spent a sleepless night, sneezing and wheezing my head off, only to find, the next morning, a darn sneezle crouched and hiding under my pillow. It was a sneezle equipped with black pepper, a feather and four nose ticklers sprouting from his knobby little head. The worst kind!

Luckily, he was so busy giggling about last night’s shenanigans, and feeling proud of the red nose and watery eyes he’d caused me, that it was very easy to just snatch him by his scrawny neck and stick him in the bathroom.

Now I have two bizarre little critters on my hands. What ever am I going to do now? Does anyone like exotic pets? They’re free.

Well, at least I’m not sneezing anymore.

snatchkee

May 20, 2008

I am happy to report that I am not going crazy, nor am I suffering from memory loss. My typical morning ritual of ransacking the house, looking for car keys, minutes before the time I should be leaving for work, the rant to follow and subsequent hair-pulling, can all be easily explained away.

This morning, as I was systematically dumping out the entire contents of my purse with one hand and wiping tears of frustration with the other, I spotted, from the blurry corner of my right eye, the dread Snatchkee, tiptoeing along the baseboard, with the keys in question, in his grubby little mitts.

I immediately sprung into action, grabbing an empty mayonnaise jar from the recycling bin and with the agility and stealth of a… er… um… Labrador puppy, pounced and scooped the wee, pink, horned culprit into my jar. I punched some air holes into the lid and took him to work with me. I spent the whole commute scolding him while he sat pouting in his jar in the passenger seat and yes, I probably should have been paying more attention to my driving. In fact, I cut some poor lady off changing lanes on I5. Of course, had she not been on her cell phone… but, I digress.

Even as I write, the little monster is sitting on my desk, in his jar, making wide-mouth frog faces at me. Yeah, like that’s going to make me release him any faster. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with him.

What should I do? What would you do?

meinies in bikinis

December 2, 2007

meiniesnbikinis.jpg

After whining about excessive coffee consumption and the resulting headaches in my last post, the very wise Helena of Little Sketches suggested I drink more water, especially upon waking. I know this to be good advice, and thanks to her reminder went right to work hydrating.

Here is proof positive my efforts are panning out.

Thanks Helena.