Post-Holiday Doldrumoids
January 2, 2019
We’ve always known of their existence. However, for the first time ever, we’ve captured in full, listless despondency, images of what experts commonly refer to as the Post-Holiday Doldrumoid.
This evidence suggests that a Doldrumoid pandemic is in full swing. Action must be taken in order to contain it.
Effective methods for lessening the effects are as follows:
1. Ignore them. Doldrumoids have been known to eventually lose interest in their host and reluctantly disappear after a week or two.
2. Keep that crunchy Christmas tree up for another month along with the exterior icicle lights and inflatable snow globe on your lawn. Do this while continuing to consume cookies three times a day and otherwise ignoring the fact that the holidays are over. This method seems to keep the Doldrumoids at bay, but leaves the door wide open for Lackus Deselfrespectus spors to take hold.
There are no easy answers, but…
3. For those of us who need to get back to business… pronto, there are some drastic measures that can be implemented.
They are as follows:
• Take the tree, inflatable snow globe and exterior lights down.
• Box up holiday decorations.
• Hoist boxes of holiday decorations up into garage rafters.
• Ditch those stale cookies and eat a salad.
• Strap that fitbit on and go to the gym
• Spit the past-due eggnog out, cease posting memes and make that client/employer deadline.
• Close mouth, wipe drool off chin.
In the event none of the above methods prove effective, one can always hold on until February 14 when a virulent strain of Guiltus Cupidus overcomes the weakened Doldrumoids, offering minimal relief to some sufferers.
This has been an important public service announcement. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.
Thank you.
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